Woof.

I wonder if I'm the only person that finds life after Whole 30 to be kinda shitty. I'd like to preface this by saying that I didn't exactly do the whole reintroduction thing the right way - it's really hard to plan for stuff like that when I can't plan ahead *at all.* Thanks, basketball tournaments! But I have definitely noticed that there are two food groups that just make me feel wretched: Dairy and Wheat...well, gluten, I suppose, but damnit. I don't want to have issues with wheat! It's delicious! It's in everything I love, and it quite literally hurts when I eat it. I've had a sneaking suspicion the last year or so that something wasn't clicking, and while dairy and I haven't gotten along for awhile now, it just sucks to know that drinking a beer and having pasta are things that I'm going to have to plan for now.

Pity, party of one?

Also, on the last day of my Whole45, I weighed in at a holy-crap-balls 152 pounds. Yeah, I weighed 150 for a few days, and it was GLORIOUS, but twas a dream that quickly unraveled. Anyway, that means I officially lost 8 pounds in 45 days, and I've already gained back 4 of them in about 3 weeks. Granted, I've been eating shit lately, but I hate to say that I think I just have a weird body. It doesn't want to be smaller than it is. It enjoys being puffy and bloated and laughing at me when I think that my weight loss efforts are going to stick. I mentioned earlier that even though I loved the process of eating whole foods and feeling awesome, my number one reason for going on the Whole30 adventure was weight loss....aaaand, what do you know? As soon as I stopped doing it, the weight came right back. So I treated it like a diet, really - which is exactly what you are NOT supposed to do. I weighed myself everyday - which is exactly what you are NOT supposed to do. I never really defeated the sugar dragon, and that just freaking sucks because I have a sweet tooth that shall never subside. EVAR. Also, the main issue I have with keeping up with the Whole30 and Whole9 practices is that
I'M FUCKING POOR.

Oh, $60 a week for groceries isn't in your budget, either? Shocking! I truly can't decide if the pros outweigh the cons right meow. I also can't figure out how this lifestyle is sustainable for real people. The cost, the time, the not being able to enjoy myself as my peers drink a beer and I sip...water. Oh, yummy! Life fulfillment right here!

I really hate that my enthusiasm has weaned so much, but I feel a bit disillusioned right now, and it bugs me that I have neither the means nor the desire to continue to eat whole foods. I mean, obviously I won't be busting out the bread and cheese, but for I just don't see the overall benefit of eating no-added-anything if the moment I do, my body's like, "Yeah, that's more like it - here's 4 pounds and an entire weekend of explosive diarrhea. Oh, by the way, those 4 pounds aren't coming off. Not a water weight thing. Here to stay. Enjoy, bitch!"

What I would really enjoy is having enough money to have a nutritionist, personal chef, and a trainer. Oh well.

Signed,
Fooding is hard!

Why I love yoga (and why yoga loves me)

The first time I tried yoga, I was a freshman in college. I was young, optimistic, and I really *really* hated working out. However, I developed what is known as hypergymnasia (I call it exercise anorexia...it's a thing), and I became obsessed with the elliptical machine at the tiny tiny Cottey College gym. I also started doing pilates and yoga everyday, along with my elliptical journey across the universe. I don't know about you, but if I'm on a machine at a gym, I have to end on all even numbers...this can lead to like 58 minutes on a treadmill just so that the dreaded odd numbers are left in the forgotten wasteland of the waistland. Anyway, I worked out obsessively (if not compulsively), and I ate like a rabbit but at the end of my freshman year, I had *lost* the freshman 20, and I looked bangin'. Thus began my downward spiral into becoming a woman. I decided that I loved working out, and I especially loved doing yoga because it didn't involve numbers. Math is hard.  

I don't work out obsessively or compulsively anymore, and the elliptical makes my feet fall asleep so I fekkin hate those things now. Pilates makes my hip pop. However! I still love yoga, and in my opinion (based on a decade of trying to do crow pose and still. not. effing. getting it), it is one of the best things I can do for my body. I can do a lot of shit - I can not do shakti kicks. I can write a 5 page research paper in 2 hours. I can not touch my heels to the ground in downward facing dog. I can teach Great Expectations to seniors in high school (or can I? Time will tell - it's only the second week). I can not do warrior 3 without shaking.  

But guess what? I don't give a shit. Yoga is such an individual thing, and it allows one to set personal goals over time, while still challenging the body and mind to the point that you might not even notice if your goal is met because it becomes just another part of your practice (I CAN do a lot of poses...crow pose is stupid, anyway. I don't even want to do it. Yes I do...frick). I'm not flexible, but I try. I'm not that strong in the arm area ("weak" is how most experts would describe my guns), but I try. I also do not have a yoga butt, butt I try. I feel so good after doing yoga - even if it's only for 20 minutes, and that's what I love about the internet - yoga is at my fingertips, and I can practice anytime I want. I am not a fan of classes because, well...

I laughed (out loud! lol) in a class because someone farted and I got such the stinkeye from this gal next to me (it was probably she who dealt it) - but I can't help it. Farts are funny, any anyone who doesn't agree is just a poop. I hate feeling like I have to hold in a fart during a class - that's not what yoga is about. It's about the yoga pants. I mean, it's about restoration, inner strength, and yoga pants. So I practice alone. In my room. Where I can fart away and giggle without shame! #yesallfarts

If you're on the cusp of trying yoga, I say if not now, when? It's so simple to just try it - you have the internet (I know this, because you're reading a blog right meow), and you have a a floor, so try it. I've mentioned my faves before, but if you're looking for a place to start, check out Yoga with Adriene . I just did day 13 of the 30 day challenge and I felt so good when I finished that I just had to write about it. Who knew that something as simple as breathing and balancing could make us feel like we can do anything? Personally, I'm going to go take a shower - because while I washed 3 weeks worth of laundry yesterday, I failed to wash me. Now I'm inspired to bathe, and that's just fantastic (suck it, 18th century peasants - I have running water and a shower pouf - huzzah!). 

Yoga is something I'll keep doing until I'm old and knobby, and hey, maybe by the time I'm 90 I'll be able to do ALL the poses - but along the way, I know that I'll enjoy the heck out of it because I can yoga, and you can, too. Except T-Rex. He can't yoga.