This post is dedicated to my best good friend Smashley, who just started the Whole30 on Tuesday, and called me yesterday to tell me about her pizza craving. I'm like her sponsor. Schwing!
Yes, it's true - I'm tacking on more time to my Whole30 - turning it into a Whole45. Not to be confused with a Colt .45, because I am neither a gun enthusiast nor an imbiber of shitty alcoholic beverages.
The reasons are three-fold:
1) I haven't defeated my "Sugar Dragon." I got it bad. Real bad. I had two gals teach a lesson in my Senior English class today, and they rewarded their classmates with CANDY. Guess who knew all the answers, thus giving me the right to all the candy? ME. I could have won that entire batch of Reese's (Does anyone else say Ree-cees Pee-cees?) and Milky Ways (frick yes. Out of this world sugar dragon). Thankfully, my students know about my dietary attempts at greatness, so they helped me not eat all of that delicious shit. However, I thought about that chocolate all the day. ALL THE DAY, hence the ongoing quest to slay the sugar dragon. Or "Beat the Sugar Dragon," as I said in class, prompting several giggles and a quick shut down by way of saying, "Oh sick - you are disgusting little boys. Get your mind out of the gutter, children." I feel like this is a major area that needs improvement, because as of right now, I'm this guy:
2) I like what I see, and I like how I feel. My clothes fit better, I don't feel all icky when I go to sleep, and I don't automatically suck-in when I look in the mirror...meaning it takes me a few seconds to start sucking in. Yessss! In other other words, I've deflated. If I were a bouncy house, no one would want to jump on me, but hopefully someone of the male variety soon will. Ha! Just kidding. Kinda. But it's nice to not feel puffy all the time, and I'd like to continue that for a few more days, because.....
3) I have a feeling that when I go off of the Whole30, I won't be able to sustain it - it's too easy to eat peanut butter and Nutella on one spoon! See? SUGAR DRAGON! Shitgoddamn.
So anyway, technically I'm on day 33, and that just made me think of Larry Bird bywayof LFO, and now I'm thinking about NKOTB and Chinese Food. Nope - I'm gonna go make some guacamole and make some freaking delicious chicken with my Whole30 Mayo...and then listen to some NKOTB.
Jordan Knight
Jordan Catalano
Jordan Taylor Hanson
...coincidence? I think not.
I bet Taylor Hanson would totally embrace the Whole30 lifestyle if it meant he could keep me in his life.
